Today was extremely busy just getting myself organized. Cleaning, laundry, etc. This afternoon I had a complete meltdown while eating lunch and later when I was talking to my BFF (best friend forever) Sarab Shakti, I expressed that I feel like I'm being a drama queen. In her wonderfully sweet Shakti (powerful feminine) she said, 'You are having Cancer Surgery!!!!' In other words its okay to freak out.
I guess I've been confused about how to respond to all of this since I've never had this before. How does one behave or be? I've had many people flipantly say 'Oh my Aunt Mary had that and she's fine.' I understand people are just trying to find a way to deal with it themselves but the only response I've had that was politely left on the tip of my tongue was 'And when was the last time you had your throat cut open to have a major gland removed?' I wouldn't say that but it sure has been close.
I've had a sore throat for months and months... probably about 8+ months but I kept thinking it was because I was rundown, or from stress, or maybe its dry in the house, or dry outside, or climate change. Finally at the end of June the irritation and burning became too much and I went to the MediClinic. The doctor there wanted to give me antibiotics but I wouldn't take them until he could prove to me that I needed them so he sent me for a thyroid ultrasound. I knew I'd get a call back and I did which is when I was sent to the surgeon for a biopsy. It took 2 months to get biopsied and that was fast! I'm so grateful for our medical system however I'm fortunate that the type of cancer my thyroid has is not aggressive otherwise I don't know where I'd be right now. I've been told that I've had this for years and that a sore throat is not necessarily a symptom but perhaps it was my body's way of getting my attention to have it checked. This is a silent disease and more need to know how to check their own thyroid because my tests have always came back saying all is normal. Hmmm... how is a malignant growing tumor normal? Our bodies are incredibly complex.
Yes, I'm scared to answer everyone's question. I feel like I just want one more day. Late this afternoon I was at the airport picking up my Dad who flew in from the Island and while I was sitting there I became aware of how acute all of my senses were.
Stop what you are doing right now... right now and take in all the smells in the air. Feel the atmosphere on your skin. Take in a deep breath through your nose. Look at the variety of colours that surround you. Now close your eyes and listen. Listen to the richness of your world. Hear your heart beating. Hear your soul's voice and the sound of the community of angel's wings surrounding you holding you up at this exact moment in time.
I'm so incredibly grateful for all of the love and support and friendship. Tomorrow morning when I'm on my way to healing my amazing Kundalini Yoga community will be gathering globally to honour and celebrate the life of our Master Yogi Bhajan. They will be in reverant meditation and will be holding a sacred space for all of us on this troubled planet. I know Yogiji's spirit will be holding my hand tomorrow morning and this brings my soul great comfort. (In some near future blog I will tell you the story of how I was blessed to be in his presence and how he took me in and molded me into the woman I am today.) I'm so honoured to be a teacher of the Secret Sacred Science of Kundalini Yoga.
PS ~ Much thanks to Sat Jiwan Kaur - Reiki Master in Vancouver for her exquisate distance healing. I slept on Sunday night for 8 straight hours! That's the first time in weeks. Thank you so much!!
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