Porcupines and Warmth

'During the Ice Age many animals died because of the cold. Seeing this situation, the porcupines decided to group together, so they wrapped up well and protected one another.

But they hurt one another with their thorns, and so then they decided to stay apart from one another. They started to freeze to death again.

So they had to make a choice: either they vanished from the face of the earth or they accepted their neighbor’s thorns.

They wisely decided to stay together again. They learned to live with the small wounds that a very close relationship could cause, because the most important thing was the warmth given by the other.

And in the end they survived.'  ~ Paulo Coelho

This story was on Paulo Coelho's blog today. I thought it was appropriate not because I have prickly neighbours but because I know I've been prickly in the past (this is a polite way for me to say that it's true I've been a Bitch at least once or a number of times in my lifetime). Also, I liked the picture of the cute porcupines!

Today is the 30th anniversary of John Lennon's death. I can still clearly remember standing in my aunt's kitchen in Calgary talking on the phone to my boyfriend who was in Prince George. I had been sent to live with my aunt, my mother's sister and her family because I was 'bad'. Not really but my parents didn't know how to deal with a free thinker so they sent me away. It was the worst 40 days of my teenage years!

My boyfriend (TS) and I were on the phone because we were developing my get-away plan. I was running away, back home the next day. While we were on the phone the news of John Lennon came across the TV screen in front of me. It was really shocking and heartbreaking! I still don't understand that level of unnecessary violence but I don't understand violence at all. I did escape the next day and of course was caught and severely reprimanded but I did get to go back to my high school and be with my friends and my boyfriend.

My mother passed away 6 years later and my aunt and her family stopped communicating with us. How tragic because as children my cousins, her children and my sisters and I were quite close. I guess the grief my aunt felt of my mothers death and the blame she placed upon us was too much for her to continue civil communication. She only lives 3 hours from me now and even just last weekend when I drove through Calgary I thought I should stop in and knock on her door and say hello. How does one react after being so prickly for 24 years? There is so much more to this story but I'd hate to bore you all with the details which only add up to family dysfunction, deep painful stories hidden away for over 50 years, grief and more grief. I would however love to video her reaction to seeing me on her doorstep! Sorry the evil side of my mind just opened up, she says with a sly smile.

As for the boyfriend from way back when we live only minutes away from each other but he will not speak to me even though I've tried. It's me that owes him an amend and I hope that one day he will allow me to stand in front of him and apologize. I wasn't super nasty but I could have been more kind at a difficult time in his life and I was insensitive to that and for that I'm so, so sorry.

I am going to the Cross Cancer Institute tomorrow morning for a doctors appointment. I'm already very stressed about this appointment because I have a feeling that I will not be heard as I have already experienced on this journey. Did I tell you that a few weeks ago I saw the surgeon who operated on me and he was going on about how I never have to worry about having cancer again blah, blah, blah as my test results are so incredibly positive. Well.... I leaned forward, looked at the computer screen and pointed out to him that they were test results from 2008 and that he was reading off of another patient's file. My test results hadn't even came back from the lab!! Since we are still in the midst of Hanukkah my only response to this is 'Oy'!

As the Christmas season is upon us let's all try to enjoy and not allow our prickly sides to be revealed. Remember the important thing is warmth given by you to another so keep the pricklies in check! I think we all have enough wounds and scars from holidays past we don't need to create new ones!!

Blessings and warmth! xo